A time to live……….

I met someone once, a long time ago, who made the biggest impact on me that anyone ever has, even more than my amazing husband, even more than meeting my wonderful children as they came into the world. I’d known about him most of my life but one day I met him in the flesh and we struck up a friendship.

I felt like I’d known him for ever. One day I said that to him but he didn’t look surprised. He explained that he had known me for ever. I must have looked a bit quizzical because he laughed. Then he said that he wanted to tell me something – it would sound quirky but I should trust him. I like the unusual so I said, “Go ahead! I like quirky.” I was laughing a little as I said it but he took my hand and looked into my eyes so I went a bit quiet thinking this was looking serious.  I began to get nervous wondering what he was going to say.

He started to talk and at first I thought it was a story that he had made up to amuse me. He told me, “Not only have I known you a very long time but so has my father.” (I was very confused – I was pretty sure I didn’t know his father!) “In fact, many years ago, my father and I were out together walking – it was that cool part of the evening that he always loves so much. We had been messing about copying the birdsongs and seeing who could throw a stick the farthest but then we had fallen silent, both deep in thought. Dad suddenly spoke your name out loud and then repeated it several times trying out different combinations and emphases on the syllables! I asked Dad what he was saying and he said he had been thinking about you Katrina,  and was trying out names to find one that was perfect for you.”

I could sense the truth of this deep in my heart but my brain was struggling to catch up. My friend explained that his father had to imagine me before he could form me in my mother’s womb. I said, “Hang on. Are you saying that your dad made me? Created me? That he dreamed me up?” There was a long silence from my friend then he looked into my eyes and I knew beyond all doubt that he was telling me the truth.

I realised I had read about this father and son many times in a book my grandad had given me along with an old wooden school desk, when I was a child. A collection of writings about a God of the Hebrews who is love and light and also a father and a creator, who had a son who was made of the same love; so much so that he would one day give his life away to save all the people his dad had created. I loved these stories as much as the ones I had read about the gods of the Greeks and the Norse people. Thor, Perseus – all the beautiful names and exploits. As my friend continued to talk I realised that this father was real and his son was my best friend!

How incredible that this man’s father had designed every detail of me in his imagination, in that fertile creative place of pure love. I remembered reading in my book,

Jeremiah 1:4-5
The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;
(NIV Bible)

I recalled more,

 Jeremiah 29:11-12

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

 (NIV Bible)

My friend had been looking at me with a little smile around the edges of his mouth all this time as I had pondered on these things. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I couldn’t help laughing even though I was trying to pretend I was slightly cross.  Where was this laughing bubbling up from??

It wasn’t like I had anything to laugh about. I had a huge debt that weighed heavily on my mind. I knew that I couldn’t afford to pay it and that if I tried it would have terrible consequences for me.  He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “It’s ok. I’ve paid it off for you.” I jumped nearly out of my skin! “What! Are you able to read my mind aswell??”  He roared with laughter, “Something like that” he said. I couldn’t believe he had paid off my debt.  I searched through my large handbag full of “essential items” for the letter with the red writing that had come in the post just this morning. There, I knew it. I waved it at him, “You can’t have paid it because this last reminder arrived today”. “That’s  only because you haven’t accepted that I’ve done it for you.’ he explained, “Just accept it’s a free gift from me to you. Not only that, but if you ask me to stick around, if you stop looking backwards at your old life, I will  provide you with things that will turn your life around so that you don’t just survive but will actually thrive!”

I felt my heart thrill with excitement as the fear left. I glanced again at the paper in my hand. It still had it’s red writing but…….the words started to run as if the ink was wet. My friend took it out of my hand and ripped it in half but as he did I’m sure I saw the words ‘debt cancelled’ written in blood on the page. I took one last glance as he drew his arm back to throw the paper away and amazingly it looked blank. In fact, the sheet of paper looked as white as new snow to me……..

Well, that was all a long time ago and we’re on first name terms now,  Jesus and Kate. Kate and Jesus. Yes, he and his dad had decided way back that my name suited me perfectly even when shortened to Kate. We’re writing a book together, the God and Kate story, but I told you about that in a previous post 🙂

It’s all about choosing him. I don’t have to study hard or pray for hours (even though those are good things to do). I just have to choose him and those things that he bought for me and then he does the rest. I started singing to him in the car on the way to work one day this week.

I choose you Jesus

I choose life

I choose grace

I chose mercy

I choose you Jesus

I repeated those lines a few more times and then I found I was thinking of more and more things that he had purchased for me – it seemed an endless list – favour, health, joy, self control,  kindness, goodness, love……So I sang all the way to work and didn’t get to the end of the list, and that’s what he’s like really, full of good things for us. We just have to choose him.

Father, Your love for me existed even before you formed me in my mother’s womb. You knew me and set me apart for your special purpose long before I was born. Help me to receive a deeper revelation of this truth, so that I might continue to walk out my destiny in the shadow of your love. In the name of your beloved Son Jesus, I pray, AMEN

Prayer taken from www.FathersLoveLetter.com

Pretty near perfect day!

Today was pretty much perfect!

First day of four days off work – exciting!

Blue skies as the mist evaporated – promising!

Not needing a coat because it’s warm – encouraging!

Driving to the River Severn with my lovely husband. – wonderful!

Bacon sandwich on wholemeal bread followed with rhubarb yoghourt picnicking at the riverside – yummy!

Conversations that illuminate – connecting!

Lying eyes closed on a grassy bank, the sun on my face in the month of March and the warm breeze gently lifting a strand of my hair  –  unbelievable! 

Living the present, unconcerned about the future, enjoying life on purpose – thank you God!  🙂

Living in the moment

So this is the blog I promised you last weekend. Better late than never! I forgot my motto of “Promise less – Deliver more” for a moment.

Did you know there’s a book in heaven called “The God and Kate Adventure”. We’re writing it together. I ask him “What shall we do today?’ then we do things and he writes it down. Some days he asks “What do you want to do, Kate?” We do all of it together.

Just lately,  God’s had to write nearly every day because he taught me a new thing – living in the moment. Before then he would suggest lots of things but we would rarely get round to doing them. I thought I would do them when the house was totally clean and tidy, when the “to do” list was all ticked off and complete, when…………..you get the idea! Those things are never ending.

Now, it’s different. We do the God and Kate things first, then the other things  just fall into place or don’t get done but it doesn’t seem to matter so much. Not only that, but the God and Kate things are such an adventure and they make a really good book.

When I was a child, one of my favourite books was a thin hardback book that had belonged to my Aunty Wendy. I still have the book somewhere in the loft. It is the story of a big bird and a little girl who rides on his back as he flies around the world visiting different countries. Each page has a picture showing a  country visited and its people dressed in their national costume going about their daily life.  In those days, I would often dream of flying out of my window on my bed and visiting other places – adventure dreams. When I grew up I still remembered the dream and wrote a poem about it.

Dream Counterpane

Soaring out of my bedroom window

Beneath

Dream counterpane.

Exotic sultans,

Jewel encrusted lands.

Brass bedstead

spells security

But give me dreams

Every time.

God wants us to experience adventures even as adults, the whole of our lives in fact.

It’s important to write things down so we can see over the years how God unfolds and directs our lives.

Recently, God has been speaking to our church through prophecy and dreams, about  being prepared and positioned for a year where we do the will of God. This brings glory to God and always seems to entail adveture of one sort or another. Here’s some of the things God has said:

“There is clear air in front of us, space to step into and occupy.” – I intend to do that this year.

“What we decide this year will determine what and where we are in 10 years time” – so I’m gladly submitting to his purposes.

“God remembers his promises and is bringing things to birth.”

“It’s a year to complete things which have lain dormant” – those things which have lain in our hearts since childhood – for me,  things like writing travelling – are meant to be brought to completion. what things are lying dormant in your heart? Let them rise up and be brought to completion this year.

“The plough is ready for us to put our hand to it, but we mustn’t look back.” – there’s lots of things waiting for me if I don’t look back to what’s past.

“We are at a time of surrendering to God where we enter the holy place” – God told me that laying down my life down his way (rather than in an ‘ought to’ slavish way) brings life, like sowing a seed in the ground grows into new life. I’ve been released from bondage to “ought to’s” into ability to live in the moment, not locked in the past or worrying about tomorrow. The joy of the Lord is my strength and it comes as I  live moment by moment walking and talking with God.

I pray you will find the joy of the Lord and have adventures with him this year.

x

“Lit fuse” – poetry at the MAC

During our recent stay in Birmingham, we went alomg to a poetry evening at the Midlands Art Centre (locally known as “the MAC”).

MAC has been host to many of my happy memories. I first discovered it in the late 70’s as I made a hesitant emergence from a very shy childhood and teenage years into my 20’s, with the help of some brave people. A shy, slightly aggressive, sometimes embarrassing and (so I’m told) attractive butterfly, who was determined  to engage with and make it through this scary but wonderful thing called life, with or without other people. Several decades later, I’m happy to report that I am making it through life with increasing  joy and excitement thanks to God and some great people. (So glad it wasn’t without people……..I can’t imagine life now without relationships).

It was probably the MAC cinema or the art exhibitions that I first discovered (I don’t exactly remember). Then, the bookshop and contemporary dance classes (lots of leaping across the room in Ballet Rambert style). I loved it but only did a term as I got distracted with wedding preparations so don’t ask me to demonstrate any routines! At the first dance class, I recognised one of the other students as a new girl at my work place, a physiotherapist. A friendship grew over coffees and Cadbury creme eggs in the cafe after the class  and my shy ” hang around the edge of the group listening rather than joining in” approach to the work staff room changed a little for the better 🙂

Later on, I would take my 3 preschool children to MAC and the park – puppetry shows and childrens activities. We would walk in the park, feed the ducks and visit the playground. Returning to the cafe, I would buy drinks and occasionally a doughnut (cut into 3 pieces, one for each of the children – thrifty times!) or 3 mini milk ice lollies – do they still make those?? I’d joined the local La Leche League group (birth, breastfeeding and child raising) and on one occasion we descended upon the MAC and the park with all our babies, our friends and their babies, our bags and picnics and had such a good time. Not sure if the MAC ever recovered from so many radical mums breastfeeding our children in public, offering freshly prepared wholefood snacks to toddlers and wiping runny noses on our long patchwork ‘earth mother’ skirts! But at least we didn’t churn up the grass with pushchairs, being totally committed to baby carriers, swaddling and Welsh shawls! I’m not sure how much our baby raising concepts produced different or better outcomes for the children than any other methods but it was a very rewarding, fascinating and (mostly) fun time 🙂

(Excuse me while I pause blogging to congratulate husband on finally getting the karaoke machine to work ready for tonight’s New Year party…. “Yes R – marvellous job! The flashing lights are lovely and thanks for singing ‘I will survive’ to me so early in the day – I’m sure we will survive and even make it to church on time at 10.30 tomorrow =)

Eighteen years ago, R and I joined a writing group at the local library. With other members of the group, we visited the MAC for a poetry evening. Later, we adjourned to the bar area, (contemporary art work on the walls and not many seats so you could wander and browse in sophisticated fashion as you drank your tipple).  One of our older group members, P entertained us with glorious stories of her younger years spent in Berlin, recounted as she leaned on the wall, wine glass in one hand and an elegant little hand rolled cigarette in the other. We all sat on the floor and laughed a lot together. P moved away from the area some time later and gave us her amazing old travel chest which now houses a huge amount of Hot wheels track and cars in our box room!

On another occasion, we saw the poet Micheal Rosen perform his poetry there and he signed a copy of his latest book for us before we left. Then there was the warm summer evening when they had dragon boats on the lake in the park. They were lit with lanterns and moved around the lake as night fell to a backdrop of music and, if I remember correctly, fireworks. Magical!

The MAC has always had an array of music for all tastes on offer. They began a series of free live music evenings outdoors in the courtyard on a weekly basis through the summer. I remember taking my teenage son to a few of them. He’s a talented drummer and was doing a college course related to the music industry at the time.

So, just before Christmas, we returned to the MAC again, this time for another poetry reading. Four up and coming young poets (so tickets were very cheap) performed their work one by one in a small theatre on a tiny wooden stage set at the base of our ramped seating. Their poetry was themed around traumatic events – difficult relationships, addiction and a neglected child. The last poet was so convincing that I left under the impression that he had personally experienced the trauma he had just spoken of – that is, until R asked me if I’d realised each poet had performed poetry about the same scenario but just written from the different perspectives of the four individuals involved, baby, the father, the neighbour etc. Doh! I’d wondered why they all seemed to have similar themes! So well done last poet – you’re obviously a very convincing actor!

And that’s the beauty of the MAC – full of surprises, encouraging new talent, showcasing more established performers, broadening your heart and mind and set in a beautiful park! And I haven’t even told you about the hot houses and the recently refurbished building with it’s new cafe serving tasty soups and savouries, proper coffee and cup cakes!

Why don’t you give it a try sometime and let me know what you think? Google MAC and Cannon Hill Park, Edgbaston for lots more info.

Enjoy 🙂